


I'm Trying To Hit The Mark, But I'm Shooting With Broken Arrows

by ElvenRose



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst and Feels, Canonical Character Death, Dark Thoughts, Don’t post on other sites, Gen, His life wasn't all fun and games, I'll let the readers decide if this can be counted as a fix-it, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Maedhros deserves a hug, Mention of the House of Finwë, Russingon is only hinted, Time Travel, english is not my first language, it's Maedhros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:27:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24132805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElvenRose/pseuds/ElvenRose
Summary: There is a beginning in the end.
Relationships: Fingon | Findekáno/Maedhros | Maitimo
Comments: 7
Kudos: 32





	I'm Trying To Hit The Mark, But I'm Shooting With Broken Arrows

**Author's Note:**

> This story contains mention of suicide, depressive thoughts etc. If you aren't comfortable with it please don't read. 
> 
> The title of the story is taken from "Broken Arrows" by Daughtry. 
> 
> ***  
> I don't own The Silmarillion or its characters.

In the end, it is fire. He welcomes the final pain that brings him away from a life that stopped being worth living a long time ago.

His is an act of profound despair, for the ‘what if’ that made up is existence, and an act of grace, for the death of one means life for others.

In the scorching embrace of the flames, he smiles.

***

“Maitimo!” He hears someone calling from afar.

Coming back to his senses, the first thing he notices is the absence of the Oath in his mind. And how could he not, when that oppressive feeling has been his constant companion for the past centuries? Death finally freed him of it, a grace he didn’t expect to receive.

He tries to open his eyes, only to shut them close in the face of a light whose brightness is too much to bear.

He tries again, this time successfully, and looks around attempting to assess where he is.

Well, he knows he is in the Halls, but he doesn’t understand why they’re so bright- he always thought that once he reached them, he would find only darkness and emptiness.

Taking a better look at his surroundings, he cannot not think that this place looks awfully like the Valinor of his youth.

“Maitimo!” He’s jerked away from his mulling by the same voice of before, finally registering the way they are addressing him. How strange to hear someone using this name… he always thought of it as a mockery after Thangorodrim, and stopped to use it altogether.

He turns, and recoils at the sight that appear in front of him. What is Maglor doing here?! He shouldn’t be! He left him alive on that accursed beach! Could it be that his brother has followed him? The idea that with his last deed he drove Maglor over the edge as well is too much to bear.

He sways slightly, and would have fall down if it wasn’t for a pair of strong harm that kept him steady. He turns his gaze, and have to fight back tears, because in front of him is Fingon, dear, beautiful Fingon, with a frown on his face and gold in his hair.

Oh, how much he agonized to see his lover again, and yet the guilt he feels for the part he played in his death still frazzles him, and he has to look away. He finds himself staring at the faces of the rest his brothers and of his _cousins_?

He doesn’t understand why Lord Nàmo considered fit to let him wake surrounded by his family. He doesn’t deserve this.

He couldn’t keep them safe, he failed them, they all perish because of him and his incompetence. “Maybe this is my punishment”, he thinks, “maybe my penalty is to walk again among those I love just to be sundered from them as soon as I start to feel comfortable”.

But this doesn’t feel right. After all, he has slain himself, he didn’t fulfill his oath... shouldn’t he have been cast in the Everlasting Darkness? “Or maybe”, he muses, “this is the real meaning of Everlasting Darkness, to be confined in an exact replica of what I left behind so long ago, to be reminded of the hand I had in destroy everything, and to cry over innocence lost”.

He doesn’t have enough strength to keep going through all these hypotheses, and at the end he doesn’t really care. Whatever this is, he’ll savor this brief happiness for as long as he can, and then he’ll gladly let the rest be.

He continues checking his surroundings, moving from face to face, images of bloodied and pale bodies overlapping with joyful memories of a shared youth, just to stop dead in his track.

Why is _Artanis_ here? She was report to be safe with her husband’s people, how could have she died? And is that _mother_? No, NO! She is safe, in Valinor, at home! She forsook them and their deeds, why is she in the Halls? It seems that his previous evaluation of the situation was wrong. Madness had followed him even in death.

If he weren’t already dead, he’s sure he would have found his end by the sheer shock of seeing his mother and youngest cousin in the Halls. His horror must be evident on his face, because even on Curufin’s face is visible some concern for him.

In this whirlwind of fouls ideas, an impossible thought breaches into his mind. 

The bright light that recall so much that of the Trees, the presence of people he knows are _not_ dead… “Could I... Could I have been sent to the past?” If it is really so, and he can’t think of how this could even be possible, he could change things, he could save everyone! 

He turns his gaze towards his gathered family once again, and realizes how young they really look, their faces devoid of the shadows of death and war. He’ll see to keep it that way.

Gathering his thoughts, he turns to the sky and makes a promise to himself: “If blood must be shed on the shores of Valinor, let it only be mine”.

This time, he’ll make things right. This time, he won’t fail.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my first published fic in the fandom! I hope you enjoyed it.  
> I love The Silm and its characters, hopefully I didn't butcher this masterwork. 
> 
> I would really appreciate feedback from you guys <3, but please be polite.  
> I'll welcome constructive critique, but no hate comments et similia. 
> 
> Ps: English is not my first language, sorry if you found any mistake/grammar obscenity. 
> 
> ElvenRose


End file.
